We've all done it. Yep! Some more than other but we've all DONE and still DO it! We all have a habit of doing that one thing (or many things) that tick our wives off! Sometimes the effort required not to tick her off is often hard to keep up. For some, all you need to do is breath in the same room and you're under her skin. Believe it or not, I, EuGene Jordan suffer from this problem too and after almost 10 years deep into my marriage with my wife, I still get things wrong... like a lot... repeatedly! Life would be much easier if I had figured it all out already, but, I haven't. Until that day comes, I'm on a journey just trying to figure out how to avoid some of the predicaments I often find myself in. In fact, it was a "predicament" with my dear lady that inspired me to write this very article.
After having a little "debate" (argument) with my wife that successfully frustrated the hell out of her, she walked away and said, "Why don't you write about 10 things that wind up your wife and put THAT in a blog!!" So! I thought I'd take up the challenge. lol!
So... at my wife's very sarcastic request, here are 5 (sorry I couldn't find 10) things that are guaranteed to tick your woman off, coupled with a few ideas and steps that will help us transform into a slightly more bearable husband. Here goes:
I've had many conversations with my wife where whilst she's been talking I've been busy, either thinking about the points that I want to mention after she's done, or daydreaming about what I could be doing rather than having this conversation right now! When I've done this it's never worked in my favour. I've missed vital information that may have helped develop my marriage and even myself. This is a sure way, guaranteed to frustrate any woman because rather than just focusing on listening to exactly what she’s trying to say, our focus becomes very insular. When a man's focus is insular, the opportunity to fully engage with his wife is truly missed. (Tweet this!) I've now learned that it's so important to be fully engaged and locked into what she’s saying. I've also heard of some guys take the time to even clarify what they’ve just heard to make sure they are on the right track. I'm not particularly good at multi-tasking so if you're like me and the TV is on... switch it off. If you're currently on the computer doing work or social networking, turn the volume off and walk away. Leave your phone in a different room. Whatever needs to be done to make sure she has ALL of your attention... just do it! Trust me when I say, It pays off in the long run!
I can't count the number of times I've been given that look when I've told my daughter off for doing the exact same stuff that I've done (and still continue to do...I know! I'm a hypocrite). I know that she is likely to copy most of what I do. That's essentially how children learn. Knowing this fact, I make a conscious effort to not use foul language, however, my "F word" is "flip" and even though there's nothing offensive about this word it's not something that I'm necessarily comfortable with hearing my 6-year-old daughter use it. That being said, my daughter and I had a frank conversation where she confessed that she had only said "flip" once and will not say it again, however, she explained that it's very hard not to say things when she always hears me using the same words. It was almost as if she grew up about 20 years just to put me in my place before returning back to the tender age six again. Anytime I tell her off for something that she has copied/learned from me, I can hear my wife's voice in the background silently asking "I wonder where she gets that from?" It's important to understand that our children only imitate the lives they're exposed to. (Tweet this!) So we can't get angry at them for copying our actions. The only person we should be mad at is ourselves because we're expecting our children to follow our command rather than our examples. For every time a woman witnesses her man leading his children with words and not actions, a little piece of respect is chipped away. When our wives use the term "You're just like your father" to our children, they actually want this to be a positive statement and we can make that happen. By making sure that our words are in alignment with our actions we can take more responsibility for setting a better example for our children. responsibility for setting a better example for our children.
Whether you have a joint income or you're the sole provider, never think of your money as your own. I became the sole provider in my home when my wife made a sacrifice to put her career on hold to become the primary educator of our daughter. Both of our roles are very important as one cannot be done without the other, however, sometimes I have referred to my income as my own and have also spent without consideration for whether my daughter or my wife have any requirements. I'm the first to hold both my hands up and admit that I was quite selfish and didn't display the attributes of a servant leader at all. In essence, I was still acting like a single man who only works to meet his own desires and needs. Like most men, I work to provide for my family, however, what we spend our money on is the truest indication of WHY and WHAT we really work for. (Tweet this!) Neglecting the reason why we work hard at making money means we only spend our finances on what we believe it should be spent on rather than having a conversation about how the finances are distributed. I can be completely honest and say that I've made some dumb financial decisions in the past and that was all because complete transparency wasn't there. We weren't both in the loop on how much was coming in and what it was being spent on. Next to infidelity, finances are one of the top things that can end a marriage in divorce so, when it comes to finances it's important there's complete transparency on both parts because if there isn't, it's just a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.
If you're always reactive then you’re always going to be unprepared and this will cause those you lead to lack in confidence yet, this is how I used to lead. As any normal family, my family have experienced its fair share of highs and lows but whatever the altitude, I've always found myself in a position where the situation has been met with my reactive, ill prepared decisions. This meant I’ve not always been as effective as I could have been, due to responding reactively rather than having more of a proactive approach. When I've been in these situations I've allowed the situation to dictate and predetermine my response. This kind of leadership makes it very difficult for those under my care (my wife and my daughter) to feel safe whilst following my lead. An important part of leadership is making other feel safe or even empowered whilst following you. A reactive leader can not breed an environment of safety or empowerment in his home. (Tweet this!) Try and pre-empt the situations you face. Be it work, children or relationship problems, try and be ahead of the game and look further than your current situation. It will be different and unique to each family, but learn HOW to be a proactive leader in your home. This will allow you to be able to manoeuvre around the tricky situations you would normally face (in reactive mode) or make you better equipped to face them when those tough situations come knocking at your door. Remember the situations you and you family face should never determine the tone of how you lead your house. Preparation and vision are key to becoming a proactive leader. Our wives are more often happy to go through tough situations as a family, however, it's can cause great frustration for them when we never see it coming and therefore can not act proactively.
What do you do that rub your partner up the wrong way? Do you give your wife more attention on Facebook than you do in the real world? I know most women hate that! I guess the most import question of all is, what hacks have you found that help to prevent you from continually doing that really annoying thing over and over again? I know I can't be the only person who can "occasionally" tick off his wife, so, I'd love to hear some of your journeys where you have transitioned from annoying to awesome....almost!
Let me know your thoughts on this and more importantly, share your story in the comments box below.
I'm often asked for my views and opinions on topics of manhood, parenting and even relationships and marriage but the truth is that deep down I'm really just trying to figure it all out myself. My relationships with my wife and my daughter are far from perfect and so I'm often left feeling somewhat overwhelmed when people continue to read the articles I write and opt to hear my thoughts on these topics. Believe it or not, I still get a lot of things wrong... repeatedly! It's the things that I repeatedly mess up on that can sometimes cause my wife and I to argue, as any normal couple would every now and then. In fact, it was an argument with my dear lady that inspired me to write this very article.
So... picture this! After having a little "debate" with my wife, successfully frustrating the hell out of her, she walks away and says "Why don't you write about 10 things that wind up your wife and put that in a blog!!" So! I thought I'd take up the challenge. lol!
At my wife's very sarcastic request, here are 5 (sorry I couldn't find 10) things that are guaranteed to tick your woman off, coupled with a few ideas and steps to help make some readjustments for the sake of preserving our marriages and families. Here goes:
Zone out when she's talking to you
I've had many conversations with my wife where whilst she's been talking I've been busy either thinking about the points that I want to mention after she's done or daydreaming about what I could be doing rather than having this conversation right now! When I've done this it's never worked in my favour. I've missed vital information that may have helped develop my marriage and even myself. This is a sure way, guaranteed to frustrate any woman because rather than just focusing on listening to exactly what she is trying to say our focus becomes very insular and we miss out on the opportunity to fully understand her points before concluding on our own. I've now learned that it's so important to be fully engaged and looked into what she is saying. I've even heard of some guys take the time to even clarify what they have just heard to make sure that they are on the right track. I'm not particularly good at multi-tasking so if you're like me and the TV is on... switch it off. If you're currently on the computer doing work or social networking then turn the volume off and walk away. Leave your phone in a different room. Whatever needs to be done to make sure that she has ALL of your attention... just do it! Trust me when I say, It pays off in the long run.
Get mad at the kids for stuff you do
I can't count the number of times I've been given that look when I've told my daughter off for doing the exact same stuff that I've done and still continue to do (I know! I'm a hypocrite). I know that she is likely to copy most of what I do. That's essentially how children learn. Knowing this fact, I make a conscious effort to not use foul language, however, my "F word" is "flip" and even though there's nothing offensive about this word it's not something that I'm necessarily comfortable with hearing my 6-year-old daughter use it. That being said my daughter and I had a frank conversation where she confessed that she had only said "flip" once and will not say it again, however, she explained that it's very hard not to say things when she always hears me using the same words. It was almost as if she grew up about 20 years just to put me in my place before returning back to the tender age 6 again. Anytime I tell her off for something that she has copied/learned from me, I can hear my wife's voice in the background silently asking "I wonder where she gets that from?" It's important to understand that our children only imitate the life that they are exposed to so we can't get angry at them for copying our actions. The only person we should be mad at is ourselves because we're expecting our children to follow our command rather than our examples. For every time a woman witnesses her man leading his children with words and not actions, a little piece of respect is chipped away. When our wives use the term "You're just like your father" to our children, they actually want this to be a positive statement and we can make that happen. By making sure that our words are in alignment with our actions we can take more responsibility for setting a better example for our children.
Think of "your" money as your own
Whether you have a joint income or you're the sole provider, never think of your money as your own. I become the sole provider in my home when my wife made a sacrifice to put her career on hold to become the primary educator of our daughter. Both of our roles are very important as one can not be done without the other, however, sometimes I have referred to my income as mu own and have also spent without consideration for whether my daughter or my wife have any requirements. I'm the first to hold both my hands up and admit that I was quite a selfish and didn't display the attributes of a servant leader at all. In essence, I was still acting like a single man who only works to meet his own desires and needs. I work to provide for my family however what I spend that money on is the true indication of what I really go to work. Neglecting the reason why we work hard at making money means that we only spend our finances on what we believe it should be spent on rather than having a conversation about how the finances are distributed. I can be completely honest and say that I've made some dumb financial decisions in the past and that was all because complete transparency wasn't there. We weren't both in the loop on how much was coming in and what it was being spent on. Next to infidelity, finances are one of the top things that can end a marriage in divorce so, when it comes to finances it's important that there's complete transparency on both parts because if there isn't, then it's just a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.
Do the Opposite
This would wind anyone up if it was consistently done to them but yet most men slip up on this one all the time. A small example is when I'm just popping out to top up the shopping and she may say something like "You always buy the brown can you not this time. Don't buy brown bread, get white instead!" but all I heard was "...buy the brown bread instead!" Now I'm not sure if this is just my dyslexia consistently kicking in whenever my wife needs to rely on me to do something or whether all men suffer from only listening to the beginning and the very end of sentences, however, I've often found myself in a position where something is required of me and but then my brain flips it around and as a result I've not done what was asked of me. It's such a simple thing but it helps to work on the basics and do them brilliantly. This really leads back to my first point because if you are zoned into what is being said then you'll be able to fulfil your wife's needs and desires rather than constantly doing the things that she does not require and expecting praise for it. It sounds so basic but if your anything like me, why not try repeating this to yourself; "What is it that she requires of me? What is it that she definitely DOES NOT require? ONLY DO/GET WHAT SHE REQUIRES!!!" or even write it down in your phone. I'm aware that I can be a little caveman-esque sometimes and the methods I deploy can sometimes be a little primitive, however, it's about doing whatever you need to do to get the job done!
Be a Reactive Leader
If you're always reactive then your always going to be unprepared and this is not A good look as a husband or a Be a Reactive Leader father, but, this is how I used to lead. As any normally family, my family have experienced its fair share of highs and lows but whatever the altitude, I've always found myself in a position where the situation has been met with my reactive, ill prepared decisions. This meant that I haven't always been as effective as I could have been, due to responding reactively rather than having more of a proactive approach. When I've been in these situations I've allowed the situation to dictate and predetermine my response. This kind of leadership makes it very difficult for those under my care (my wife and my daughter) to feel safe whilst following my lead. An important part of leadership is making other feel safe or even empowered whilst following you. A reactive leader does not breed an environment of safety nor empowerment. Try and pre-empt the situations that you face. Be it work, children or relationship problems try and be ahead of the game on look further than your current situation. It will different and unique to each family but learn HOW to be a proactive leader in your home. This will allow you to be able to manoeuvre around the tricky situations you would normally face (in reactive mode) or make you better equipped to face them when those tough situations come knocking at your door. Remember that the situations you and you family face should never determine the tone of how you lead your house. Preparation and vision are key to becoming a proactive leader. Our wives are more often happy to go through tough situations as a family, however, it's can cause great frustration for them when we never see it coming and therefore can not act proactively.
What dumb things do you do that rub your partner up the wrong way? Do you give your wife more attention on Facebook than you do in the real world? I know most women hate that! I guess the most import question is what hacks have you found that prevents you from continually doing that really annoying thing over and over again? I know I can't be the only person who can occasionally tick off his wife so I'd love to hear some of your journeys where you have transitioned from annoying to awesome....almost!
___
Let me know your thoughts and share your story in the comments box below.
I'm often asked for my views and opinions on topics of manhood, parenting and even relationships and marriage but the truth is that deep down I'm really just trying to figure it all out myself. My relationships with my wife and my daughter are far from perfect and so I'm often left feeling somewhat overwhelmed when people continue to read the articles I write and opt to hear my thoughts on these topics. Believe it or not, I still get a lot of things wrong... repeatedly! It's the things that I repeatedly mess up on that can sometimes cause my wife and I to argue, as any normal couple would every now and then. In fact, it was an argument with my dear lady that inspired me to write this very article.
So... picture this! After having a little "debate" with my wife, successfully frustrating the hell out of her, she walks away and says "Why don't you write about 10 things that wind up your wife and put that in a blog!!" So! I thought I'd take up the challenge. lol!
At my wife's very sarcastic request, here are 5 (sorry I couldn't find 10) things that are guaranteed to tick your woman off, coupled with a few ideas and steps to help make some readjustments for the sake of preserving our marriages and families. Here goes:
Zone out when she's talking to you
I've had many conversations with my wife where whilst she's been talking I've been busy either thinking about the points that I want to mention after she's done or daydreaming about what I could be doing rather than having this conversation right now! When I've done this it's never worked in my favour. I've missed vital information that may have helped develop my marriage and even myself. This is a sure way, guaranteed to frustrate any woman because rather than just focusing on listening to exactly what she is trying to say our focus becomes very insular and we miss out on the opportunity to fully understand her points before concluding on our own. I've now learned that it's so important to be fully engaged and looked into what she is saying. I've even heard of some guys take the time to even clarify what they have just heard to make sure that they are on the right track. I'm not particularly good at multi-tasking so if you're like me and the TV is on... switch it off. If you're currently on the computer doing work or social networking then turn the volume off and walk away. Leave your phone in a different room. Whatever needs to be done to make sure that she has ALL of your attention... just do it! Trust me when I say, It pays off in the long run.
Get mad at the kids for stuff you do
I can't count the number of times I've been given that look when I've told my daughter off for doing the exact same stuff that I've done and still continue to do (I know! I'm a hypocrite). I know that she is likely to copy most of what I do. That's essentially how children learn. Knowing this fact, I make a conscious effort to not use foul language, however, my "F word" is "flip" and even though there's nothing offensive about this word it's not something that I'm necessarily comfortable with hearing my 6-year-old daughter use it. That being said my daughter and I had a frank conversation where she confessed that she had only said "flip" once and will not say it again, however, she explained that it's very hard not to say things when she always hears me using the same words. It was almost as if she grew up about 20 years just to put me in my place before returning back to the tender age 6 again. Anytime I tell her off for something that she has copied/learned from me, I can hear my wife's voice in the background silently asking "I wonder where she gets that from?" It's important to understand that our children only imitate the life that they are exposed to so we can't get angry at them for copying our actions. The only person we should be mad at is ourselves because we're expecting our children to follow our command rather than our examples. For every time a woman witnesses her man leading his children with words and not actions, a little piece of respect is chipped away. When our wives use the term "You're just like your father" to our children, they actually want this to be a positive statement and we can make that happen. By making sure that our words are in alignment with our actions we can take more responsibility for setting a better example for our children.
Think of "your" money as your own
Whether you have a joint income or you're the sole provider, never think of your money as your own. I become the sole provider in my home when my wife made a sacrifice to put her career on hold to become the primary educator of our daughter. Both of our roles are very important as one can not be done without the other, however, sometimes I have referred to my income as mu own and have also spent without consideration for whether my daughter or my wife have any requirements. I'm the first to hold both my hands up and admit that I was quite a selfish and didn't display the attributes of a servant leader at all. In essence, I was still acting like a single man who only works to meet his own desires and needs. I work to provide for my family however what I spend that money on is the true indication of what I really go to work. Neglecting the reason why we work hard at making money means that we only spend our finances on what we believe it should be spent on rather than having a conversation about how the finances are distributed. I can be completely honest and say that I've made some dumb financial decisions in the past and that was all because complete transparency wasn't there. We weren't both in the loop on how much was coming in and what it was being spent on. Next to infidelity, finances are one of the top things that can end a marriage in divorce so, when it comes to finances it's important that there's complete transparency on both parts because if there isn't, then it's just a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.
Do the Opposite
This would wind anyone up if it was consistently done to them but yet most men slip up on this one all the time.
A small example is when I'm just popping out to top up the shopping and she may say something like "You always buy the brown can you not this time. Don't buy brown bread, get white instead!" but all I heard was "...buy the brown bread instead!" Now I'm not sure if this is just my dyslexia consistently kicking in whenever my wife needs to rely on me to do something or whether all men suffer from only listening to the beginning and the very end of sentences, however, I've often found myself in a position where something is required of me and but then my brain flips it around and as a result I've not done what was asked of me. It's such a simple thing but it helps to work on the basics and do them brilliantly. This really leads back to my first point because if you are zoned into what is being said then you'll be able to fulfil your wife's needs and desires rather than constantly doing the things that she does not require and expecting praise for it. It sounds so basic but if your anything like me, why not try repeating this to yourself; "What is it that she requires of me? What is it that she definitely DOES NOT require? ONLY DO/GET WHAT SHE REQUIRES!!!" or even write it down in your phone. I'm aware that I can be a little caveman-esque sometimes and the methods I deploy can sometimes be a little primitive, however, it's about doing whatever you need to do to get the job done!
Be a Reactive Leader
If you're always reactive then your always going to be unprepared and this is not A good look as a husband or a father, but, this is how I used to lead. As any normally family, my family have experienced its fair share of highs and lows but whatever the altitude, I've always found myself in a position where the situation has been met with my reactive, ill prepared decisions. This meant that I haven't always been as effective as I could have been, due to responding reactively rather than having more of a proactive approach. When I've been in these situations I've allowed the situation to dictate and predetermine my response. This kind of leadership makes it very difficult for those under my care (my wife and my daughter) to feel safe whilst following my lead. An important part of leadership is making other feel safe or even empowered whilst following you. A reactive leader does not breed an environment of safety nor empowerment. Try and pre-empt the situations that you face. Be it work, children or relationship problems try and be ahead of the game on look further than your current situation. It will different and unique to each family but learn HOW to be a proactive leader in your home. This will allow you to be able to manoeuvre around the tricky situations you would normally face (in reactive mode) or make you better equipped to face them when those tough situations come knocking at your door. Remember that the situations you and you family face should never determine the tone of how you lead your house. Preparation and vision are key to becoming a proactive leader. Our wives are more often happy to go through tough situations as a family, however, it's can cause great frustration for them when we never see it coming and therefore can not act proactively.
Conclusion.
What dumb things do you do that rub your partner up the wrong way? Do you give your wife more attention on Facebook than you do in the real world? I know most women hate that! I guess the most import question is what hacks have you found that prevents you from continually doing that really annoying thing over and over again? I know I can't be the only person who can occasionally tick off his wife so I'd love to hear some of your journeys where you have transitioned from annoying to awesome....almost!
Share your story in the comments box below.
I'm often asked for my views and opinions on topics of manhood, parenting and even relationships and marriage but the truth is that deep down I'm really just trying to figure it all out myself. My relationships with my wife and my daughter are far from perfect and so I'm often left feeling somewhat overwhelmed when people continue to read the articles I write and opt to hear my thoughts on these topics. Believe it or not, I still get a lot of things wrong... repeatedly! It's the things that I repeatedly mess up on that can sometimes cause my wife and I to argue, as any normal couple would every now and then. In fact, it was an argument with my dear lady that inspired me to write this very article.
So... picture this! After having a little "debate" with my wife, successfully frustrating the hell out of her, she walks away and says "Why don't you write about 10 things that wind up your wife and put that in a blog!!" So! I thought I'd take up the challenge. lol!
At my wife's very sarcastic request, here are 5 (sorry I couldn't find 10) things that are guaranteed to tick your woman off, coupled with a few ideas and steps to help make some readjustments for the sake of preserving our marriages and families. Here goes:
Zone out when she's talking to you
I've had many conversations with my wife where whilst she's been talking I've been busy either thinking about the points that I want to mention after she's done or daydreaming about what I could be doing rather than having this conversation right now! When I've done this it's never worked in my favour. I've missed vital information that may have helped develop my marriage and even myself. This is a sure way, guaranteed to frustrate any woman because rather than just focusing on listening to exactly what she is trying to say our focus becomes very insular and we miss out on the opportunity to fully understand her points before concluding on our own. I've now learned that it's so important to be fully engaged and looked into what she is saying. I've even heard of some guys take the time to even clarify what they have just heard to make sure that they are on the right track. I'm not particularly good at multi-tasking so if you're like me and the TV is on... switch it off. If you're currently on the computer doing work or social networking then turn the volume off and walk away. Leave your phone in a different room. Whatever needs to be done to make sure that she has ALL of your attention... just do it! Trust me when I say, It pays off in the long run.
Get mad at the kids for stuff you do
I can't count the number of times I've been given that look when I've told my daughter off for doing the exact same stuff that I've done and still continue to do (I know! I'm a hypocrite). I know that she is likely to copy most of what I do. That's essentially how children learn. Knowing this fact, I make a conscious effort to not use foul language, however, my "F word" is "flip" and even though there's nothing offensive about this word it's not something that I'm necessarily comfortable with hearing my 6-year-old daughter use it. That being said my daughter and I had a frank conversation where she confessed that she had only said "flip" once and will not say it again, however, she explained that it's very hard not to say things when she always hears me using the same words. It was almost as if she grew up about 20 years just to put me in my place before returning back to the tender age 6 again. Anytime I tell her off for something that she has copied/learned from me, I can hear my wife's voice in the background silently asking "I wonder where she gets that from?" It's important to understand that our children only imitate the life that they are exposed to so we can't get angry at them for copying our actions. The only person we should be mad at is ourselves because we're expecting our children to follow our command rather than our examples. For every time a woman witnesses her man leading his children with words and not actions, a little piece of respect is chipped away. When our wives use the term "You're just like your father" to our children, they actually want this to be a positive statement and we can make that happen. By making sure that our words are in alignment with our actions we can take more responsibility for setting a better example for our children.
Think of "your" money as your own
Whether you have a joint income or you're the sole provider, never think of your money as your own. I become the sole provider in my home when my wife made a sacrifice to put her career on hold to become the primary educator of our daughter. Both of our roles are very important as one can not be done without the other, however, sometimes I have referred to my income as mu own and have also spent without consideration for whether my daughter or my wife have any requirements. I'm the first to hold both my hands up and admit that I was quite a selfish and didn't display the attributes of a servant leader at all. In essence, I was still acting like a single man who only works to meet his own desires and needs. I work to provide for my family however what I spend that money on is the true indication of what I really go to work. Neglecting the reason why we work hard at making money means that we only spend our finances on what we believe it should be spent on rather than having a conversation about how the finances are distributed. I can be completely honest and say that I've made some dumb financial decisions in the past and that was all because complete transparency wasn't there. We weren't both in the loop on how much was coming in and what it was being spent on. Next to infidelity, finances are one of the top things that can end a marriage in divorce so, when it comes to finances it's important that there's complete transparency on both parts because if there isn't, then it's just a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.
Do the Opposite
This would wind anyone up if it was consistently done to them but yet most men slip up on this one all the time.
A small example is when I'm just popping out to top up the shopping and she may say something like "You always buy the brown can you not this time. Don't buy brown bread, get white instead!" but all I heard was "...buy the brown bread instead!" Now I'm not sure if this is just my dyslexia consistently kicking in whenever my wife needs to rely on me to do something or whether all men suffer from only listening to the beginning and the very end of sentences, however, I've often found myself in a position where something is required of me and but then my brain flips it around and as a result I've not done what was asked of me. It's such a simple thing but it helps to work on the basics and do them brilliantly. This really leads back to my first point because if you are zoned into what is being said then you'll be able to fulfil your wife's needs and desires rather than constantly doing the things that she does not require and expecting praise for it. It sounds so basic but if your anything like me, why not try repeating this to yourself; "What is it that she requires of me? What is it that she definitely DOES NOT require? ONLY DO/GET WHAT SHE REQUIRES!!!" or even write it down in your phone. I'm aware that I can be a little caveman-esque sometimes and the methods I deploy can sometimes be a little primitive, however, it's about doing whatever you need to do to get the job done!
Be a Reactive Leader
If you're always reactive then your always going to be unprepared and this is not A good look as a husband or a father, but, this is how I used to lead. As any normally family, my family have experienced its fair share of highs and lows but whatever the altitude, I've always found myself in a position where the situation has been met with my reactive, ill prepared decisions. This meant that I haven't always been as effective as I could have been, due to responding reactively rather than having more of a proactive approach. When I've been in these situations I've allowed the situation to dictate and predetermine my response. This kind of leadership makes it very difficult for those under my care (my wife and my daughter) to feel safe whilst following my lead. An important part of leadership is making other feel safe or even empowered whilst following you. A reactive leader does not breed an environment of safety nor empowerment. Try and pre-empt the situations that you face. Be it work, children or relationship problems try and be ahead of the game on look further than your current situation. It will different and unique to each family but learn HOW to be a proactive leader in your home. This will allow you to be able to manoeuvre around the tricky situations you would normally face (in reactive mode) or make you better equipped to face them when those tough situations come knocking at your door. Remember that the situations you and you family face should never determine the tone of how you lead your house. Preparation and vision are key to becoming a proactive leader. Our wives are more often happy to go through tough situations as a family, however, it's can cause great frustration for them when we never see it coming and therefore can not act proactively.
Conclusion.
What dumb things do you do that rub your partner up the wrong way? Do you give your wife more attention on Facebook than you do in the real world? I know most women hate that! I guess the most import question is what hacks have you found that prevents you from continually doing that really annoying thing over and over again? I know I can't be the only person who can occasionally tick off his wife so I'd love to hear some of your journeys where you have transitioned from annoying to awesome....almost!
Share your story in the comments box below.
I'm often asked for my views and opinions on topics of manhood, parenting and even relationships and marriage but the truth is that deep down I'm really just trying to figure it all out myself. My relationships with my wife and my daughter are far from perfect and so I'm often left feeling somewhat overwhelmed when people continue to read the articles I write and opt to hear my thoughts on these topics. Believe it or not, I still get a lot of things wrong... repeatedly! It's the things that I repeatedly mess up on that can sometimes cause my wife and I to argue, as any normal couple would every now and then. In fact, it was an argument with my dear lady that inspired me to write this very article.
So... picture this! After having a little "debate" with my wife, successfully frustrating the hell out of her, she walks away and says "Why don't you write about 10 things that wind up your wife and put that in a blog!!" So! I thought I'd take up the challenge. lol!
At my wife's very sarcastic request, here are 5 (sorry I couldn't find 10) things that are guaranteed to tick your woman off, coupled with a few ideas and steps to help make some readjustments for the sake of preserving our marriages and families. Here goes:
Zone out when she's talking to you
I've had many conversations with my wife where whilst she's been talking I've been busy either thinking about the points that I want to mention after she's done or daydreaming about what I could be doing rather than having this conversation right now! When I've done this it's never worked in my favour. I've missed vital information that may have helped develop my marriage and even myself. This is a sure way, guaranteed to frustrate any woman because rather than just focusing on listening to exactly what she is trying to say our focus becomes very insular and we miss out on the opportunity to fully understand her points before concluding on our own. I've now learned that it's so important to be fully engaged and looked into what she is saying. I've even heard of some guys take the time to even clarify what they have just heard to make sure that they are on the right track. I'm not particularly good at multi-tasking so if you're like me and the TV is on... switch it off. If you're currently on the computer doing work or social networking then turn the volume off and walk away. Leave your phone in a different room. Whatever needs to be done to make sure that she has ALL of your attention... just do it! Trust me when I say, It pays off in the long run.
Get mad at the kids for stuff you do
I can't count the number of times I've been given that look when I've told my daughter off for doing the exact same stuff that I've done and still continue to do (I know! I'm a hypocrite). I know that she is likely to copy most of what I do. That's essentially how children learn. Knowing this fact, I make a conscious effort to not use foul language, however, my "F word" is "flip" and even though there's nothing offensive about this word it's not something that I'm necessarily comfortable with hearing my 6-year-old daughter use it. That being said my daughter and I had a frank conversation where she confessed that she had only said "flip" once and will not say it again, however, she explained that it's very hard not to say things when she always hears me using the same words. It was almost as if she grew up about 20 years just to put me in my place before returning back to the tender age 6 again. Anytime I tell her off for something that she has copied/learned from me, I can hear my wife's voice in the background silently asking "I wonder where she gets that from?" It's important to understand that our children only imitate the life that they are exposed to so we can't get angry at them for copying our actions. The only person we should be mad at is ourselves because we're expecting our children to follow our command rather than our examples. For every time a woman witnesses her man leading his children with words and not actions, a little piece of respect is chipped away. When our wives use the term "You're just like your father" to our children, they actually want this to be a positive statement and we can make that happen. By making sure that our words are in alignment with our actions we can take more responsibility for setting a better example for our children.
Think of "your" money as your own
Whether you have a joint income or you're the sole provider, never think of your money as your own. I become the sole provider in my home when my wife made a sacrifice to put her career on hold to become the primary educator of our daughter. Both of our roles are very important as one can not be done without the other, however, sometimes I have referred to my income as mu own and have also spent without consideration for whether my daughter or my wife have any requirements. I'm the first to hold both my hands up and admit that I was quite a selfish and didn't display the attributes of a servant leader at all. In essence, I was still acting like a single man who only works to meet his own desires and needs. I work to provide for my family however what I spend that money on is the true indication of what I really go to work. Neglecting the reason why we work hard at making money means that we only spend our finances on what we believe it should be spent on rather than having a conversation about how the finances are distributed. I can be completely honest and say that I've made some dumb financial decisions in the past and that was all because complete transparency wasn't there. We weren't both in the loop on how much was coming in and what it was being spent on. Next to infidelity, finances are one of the top things that can end a marriage in divorce so, when it comes to finances it's important that there's complete transparency on both parts because if there isn't, then it's just a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.
Do the Opposite
This would wind anyone up if it was consistently done to them but yet most men slip up on this one all the time.
A small example is when I'm just popping out to top up the shopping and she may say something like "You always buy the brown can you not this time. Don't buy brown bread, get white instead!" but all I heard was "...buy the brown bread instead!" Now I'm not sure if this is just my dyslexia consistently kicking in whenever my wife needs to rely on me to do something or whether all men suffer from only listening to the beginning and the very end of sentences, however, I've often found myself in a position where something is required of me and but then my brain flips it around and as a result I've not done what was asked of me. It's such a simple thing but it helps to work on the basics and do them brilliantly. This really leads back to my first point because if you are zoned into what is being said then you'll be able to fulfil your wife's needs and desires rather than constantly doing the things that she does not require and expecting praise for it. It sounds so basic but if your anything like me, why not try repeating this to yourself; "What is it that she requires of me? What is it that she definitely DOES NOT require? ONLY DO/GET WHAT SHE REQUIRES!!!" or even write it down in your phone. I'm aware that I can be a little caveman-esque sometimes and the methods I deploy can sometimes be a little primitive, however, it's about doing whatever you need to do to get the job done!
Be a Reactive Leader
If you're always reactive then your always going to be unprepared and this is not A good look as a husband or a father, but, this is how I used to lead. As any normally family, my family have experienced its fair share of highs and lows but whatever the altitude, I've always found myself in a position where the situation has been met with my reactive, ill prepared decisions. This meant that I haven't always been as effective as I could have been, due to responding reactively rather than having more of a proactive approach. When I've been in these situations I've allowed the situation to dictate and predetermine my response. This kind of leadership makes it very difficult for those under my care (my wife and my daughter) to feel safe whilst following my lead. An important part of leadership is making other feel safe or even empowered whilst following you. A reactive leader does not breed an environment of safety nor empowerment. Try and pre-empt the situations that you face. Be it work, children or relationship problems try and be ahead of the game on look further than your current situation. It will different and unique to each family but learn HOW to be a proactive leader in your home. This will allow you to be able to manoeuvre around the tricky situations you would normally face (in reactive mode) or make you better equipped to face them when those tough situations come knocking at your door. Remember that the situations you and you family face should never determine the tone of how you lead your house. Preparation and vision are key to becoming a proactive leader. Our wives are more often happy to go through tough situations as a family, however, it's can cause great frustration for them when we never see it coming and therefore can not act proactively.
Conclusion.
What dumb things do you do that rub your partner up the wrong way? Do you give your wife more attention on Facebook than you do in the real world? I know most women hate that! I guess the most import question is what hacks have you found that prevents you from continually doing that really annoying thing over and over again? I know I can't be the only person who can occasionally tick off his wife so I'd love to hear some of your journeys where you have transitioned from annoying to awesome....almost!
Share your story in the comments box below.
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